There is a time for tradition & there is a time for change
happyholidaymerryxmas
While we were dating, I told my then girlfriend, now wife, I would not attend Thanksgiving or Christmas with her family until she had a ring on her left hand. This seemingly arbitrary statute was imposed because I was not ready to miss the holidays and traditions with my family. A little over two years ago I proposed to her and thankfully she said, “yes!” A couple months later, for the first time, I did not attend Christmas in Mama Robilotta’s house. It felt really weird (read: different, not bad), but fortunately I lucked out in the in-law lottery and she has a great family.
This year, we had a random set of circumstances make the holidays feel even more out of place (the details of which are far too excessive and unrelated to type here). We knew this going into it though so my wife, a few days before, excitedly said “we should use this as an opportunity to start some of our own traditions!” This was a great idea and we thought of different things like: wearing cozy slippers is mandatory, making hot chocolate before opening presents, having a festive soundtrack in the background, and making fancy French toast while playing with our new toys. It all sounded stupidly adorable and fun. Then Christmas morning happened and we did literally none of it… well, she may was wearing slippers.
Now there are a number of reasons why the new traditions didn’t happen. Some explanations were justifiable, but it was mostly because we did not go shopping for hot chocolate and things to inspire the “fancification” of the Frenchiest of toast. Shopping did not happen because life got in the way and it was not made a priority.The past handful of years have taught me a lot about myself. In everyday life I pride myself on being spontaneous; I live for the story. With my career I am constantly trying new things, stirring the pot, pushing others, and I have a motto of “Never Settle.” But when it comes to my personal life, I value tradition and “the way things used to be.” It started with my brothers getting married and having to split holidays, it was weird being the only kid at the house on Christmas morning. Then all of my friends started to not come home for the holidays, they had kids, moved away, and wanted to do their own thing with their new families. Heck, I’ve done that to, sans the kid part. A large part of me longs for the days of hanging out every night with my crew in high school and going to Applebees, or my friends in college and going to Perkins. But I recognize that these thoughts are preposterous, immensely selfish and most certainly #firstworldproblems.
I find it fascinating that in most areas of my life I challenge the idea of tradition but when it comes to my personal life I long for it. It’s like my life is a super fun game of hide and seek. I’m having a blast playing it but every once in awhile I want to yell “olly olly oxen free” and return to the safety and comfort of base, or in this case, tradition.If you’ve read this far I have some unfortunate news for you, I don’t have any answers to why I am like this. So there won’t be any “a-ha” moment coming up. Rather, I’m going to just allow this random aspect of my life be exposed as I work through it.
I know it will change, I will grow up at some point, and my partner and I will develop our own new traditions that will excite me. I also do not think there is something “wrong” with me, so this is not a cry for sympathy. Rather, just an honest observation. It is also ironic that when I first sat down to write this post it was going to be about the importance of change and how to start new traditions in your organizations.
Life is funny, isn’t it? I will still write the other post because I believe in it, but I think it's more important to allow myself to be human first.
This post is titled, “There is a time for tradition and there is a time for change.“ Where do you draw that line? Do you draw it in different spots depending on what aspect of your life is effected (home, career, personal, spiritual, etc.)? What are some traditions that were tough for you to give up, how did you do it? Being able to recognize and accept changing realities is part of life. In some ways I am great at it and in others, not so much…yet.